but overall good job at writting this letter

p.s i see no missleading what so ever its the truth..and yes somtimes the truth hurts but its gotta be heard some way or another!!!!!

Probably meant “Hear her neighbor” — no big deal, just a typo.

This could be more clear: “There was a young man across from her in a nice shirt and big jeans. He seemed a little older than her at 32. She placed him in his mid to late thirties.” You mix your age references something awful, with no real reason for doing it.

“And there ain’t some part of your heart that wouldn’t want to bend me over a bus stop bench if you got the chance?”

That whole part was hilarious — super well done, and a perfect break in the tension.

By the time you get to the restaurant, however, it starts to feel like “okay, this is great and all, but where are we going?” My brain wants some huge shock to shake all this mundane energy up. That’s what I’d do, with all this preamble.

The Café Orisha was like one big dinner party for Jabril, who got the opportunity to retell Atlanta stories as though they were novel, when in fact the stories were probably what cause him to leave Atlanta n the first place. It is hard to live around people who have heard all your stories.”

Great passage, lots of storytelling in a short space. You probably meant “Leave Atlanta IN the first place,” but that’s a minor typo.

Beverly’s father had been a construction worker for most of his life until his first heart attack slowed him down. His second heart attack killed him seven years ago when Beverly was twenty five …

This digression paragraph messes with the narrrative flow. Good information, bad placement.

She had no brother’s

Argh. Plural, not possessive.

“It is about Gerald?” Mitch said quietly.

Perhaps not meant as a question?

Took a long time to get where you were going with the ending. The emotion was sapped by the sheer distance it took to get there. Don’t be so afraid of the moment.